Don't you send me to vm
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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