I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
