You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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