when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize