We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
