Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
