i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
