how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
