but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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