dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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