so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
