i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
