They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
