I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
