We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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