I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
