i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
