My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
