when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
