she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
