Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
