Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
