so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
