Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
