I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im holly from the hills drunk
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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