Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
