AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
zippers are such a cool invention
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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