I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
