im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just tell him i said nine months
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
