i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am one with the molecules
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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