Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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