Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
