i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
