i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
