walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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