I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It was confusing and full of hummus
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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