guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
