My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
