Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
