Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize