did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
