I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
