WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize