What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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