Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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