non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
