I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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