She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We need to rekindle our bromance
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
