Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
