Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
