we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
