I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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