I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
