and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
