Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
