At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize