dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
