i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
