Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
