I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
