Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
