About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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