Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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