your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
