Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think I won the penis lottery.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
