We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
