Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
