I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
