I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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