Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
