see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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