Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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