Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize