I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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