I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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