Houston, we have a squirter
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize