I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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