saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Fuck appropriateness.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
