my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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